So it’s week two of pretending I don’t exist.. the ‘silent treatment’. It’s been such a long 11 month cycle that I no longer remember the cycle. Have you don’t this before? Probably. But I think it was at the beginning of your relationship with her. When you decided to discard me when I was asking to save our family. I think that’s the pattern. When you know you can have me you ignore me. I then build myself back up and then you creep back in. Basically you want an emotionless, cold version of me to do with what you want and continue to live your life as normal and be be ok with it. The moment I call out your behaviour I’m met with this. Nothing.
I actually think I prefer the abuse. The silence is deafening. But I know I need it but at the same time I am left with no closure. Why won’t you just be honest and talk to me? Instead you are treating the mother of your kids like nothing.
I just want to close my eyes and fast forward three months but in that time I’ve had no contact.. I’ve been emotionless and strong and got on with my life. I want to be there now.
I know why you’re doing this as I pointed out you keep coming back and so that must mean you can’t live without me. So you’re proving me wrong. You did the same last year. I should have carried on standing my ground. I shouldn’t have let you back in.
I hope someone treats you like this one day. I hope she treats you like this. I want to hate you so much but I know that’s not me. I can’t hate you. I should hate you.
I can only hope that karma steps in. I hope it does. You deserve someone to treat you worse than you’ve ever treated me. How you’ve treated your children.
I’m dreading next week. Your first family holiday… with your new improved family. One that’s ready made. That’s not been messed up by your anger, aggressiveness, argumentativeness, temper, criticisms, miserableness. It’s great being with a ‘normal’ family you’ve not yet tainted. One that believes you’re thus great person you’re pretending to be. Her kids haven’t watched you pin their mother to the ground, call her a bitch, argue with her every word, blame her for everything, smash her car up, cheat on her repeatedly with lots of women (she’s had that but not where the kids have been effected by it being a man from the school), ruined holidays … the list is endless. Bloody hell it must be tiring for you to act so hard in front of them all the time. Imagine if you spoke to her kids like you do your own? Bet you’re on your best behaviour on holiday.. just to prove it wasn’t you.. just to rub in you had a good time as it wasn’t with me.. that you don’t ruin holidays. That actually proves what a scumbag you are.. trying for them and not us. Not your own kids.
I am starting to see you now. The mask is off. I was too blinded to ever see it there